When the Holidays Aren’t Happy
to be honest, it’s easier than you think to lose Christ in the hustle + bustle of the holiday season. i’ve been overworked + overcommitted, + the lack of time for prayer and for myself brought me into a place of bitterness and resentment. it was hard for me to see God at work most days, and i felt very alone, with only my journal to turn to & aquaintences who I smiled to and said ‘hi’ to on rare occassion — little meaningful contact, especially on a daily basis. after significant struggle, i created alerts on my phone for prayer, and Jesus slowly and surely became my light when i was going through the motions in a wind tunnel.
I didn’t have the $200 ottoman I wanted from West Elm,
I didn’t get the chance to buy a Christmas tree and decorate my apartment the Instagram-worthy way I wanted to, and I didn’t have the ice skating proposal in Central Park.
I didn’t have the vacation to Russia and other places in Eastern Europe I’ve always wanted, so I could trade candy canes for chocolate, exquisite Christmas dinners, and the most beautiful decorations decorating the landscapes and architecture.
But I came to realize that the resentment I was holding inside me was not just slowly plummeting me further into a depression, but unbeknownst to me ... was affecting the people around me as well.
It wasn’t until I was on the phone with a Customer Service Representative on December 7th when I shocked myself. My responses to this poor soul who was just trying to help were short and angry. Out of my own internal spite, I answered “Go ahead!” after I had tried to say or ask something and heard her begin to speak. Usually, I say “Sorry, go ahead, I interrupted you,” even if I didn’t, as a courtesy. I knew I had caught her off guard and scared her because then she said:
“I-I was just going to apologize.”
I knew after that conversation that something needed to change in my attitude and how I spoke to those around me. I began praying to God about all the resentment I was feeling, and how I could go about eliminating the uncomfortable feeling. At the time, I was under a great deal of anxiety as well, and was working 2-3 jobs per week. This meant: more paperwork, more commute time, and less time for my family, myself, and my God.
“God, you have given me a Spirit of life, but why do I feel lacking in energy
and lifeless?”
I received insight from God, who told me that I needed to reevaluate my priorities, and
and find time for Him and myself — by learning how to say NO. Sometimes we get so stuck in pleasing others and being accomplished, we forget that we can not be successful if we bite off more than we can chew. God speaks to me sometimes through Bible verses that pop into my head. I remembered a verse that says that anyone who wants to follow Christ must be willing to deny themselves, pick up their cross, and follow Him. What this meant for me was that I had to stop focusing on what I wanted but didn’t have, focus on the joy that Christ gives me as a gift, and pray in gratitude for all the things I DO have. I was so focused on what I yearned for which pained me, that I could not have access to God’s grace and joy.
On December 23rd, I went to Hillsong NYC and listened to Pastor Todd speak about the difference between happiness and joy. He explained that happiness is a response to our current situation, but joy is a gift from God. And the fact of the matter is that it’s not difficult to receive joy, but it is difficult to maintain it.
Psalm 30:5
5 For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.
Maintaining joy is still something I am working on. We all have things we are working on - that’s what it means to be human. I know that the holidays sometimes remind people of bad memories, or bring about less-than-thrilling family reunions. I want to tell you this holiday, that regardless of the wise comment your uncle makes at the dinner table, regardless of the presents you did or did not receive, and regardless of the expectations that were not met: JESUS IS THE REASON FOR THE SEASON. If you are upset, talk to Him. If you are alone and away from family this year, He is keeping you company. Take comfort in knowing that on this day we celebrate a Savior who gave us life — the best gift
anyone could give. Let us not lose sight of Christ on Christmas.
Love,
Nicole
to be honest, it’s easier than you think to lose Christ in the hustle + bustle of the holiday season. i’ve been overworked + overcommitted, + the lack of time for prayer and for myself brought me into a place of bitterness and resentment. it was hard for me to see God at work most days, and i felt very alone, with only my journal to turn to & aquaintences who I smiled to and said ‘hi’ to on rare occassion — little meaningful contact, especially on a daily basis. after significant struggle, i created alerts on my phone for prayer, and Jesus slowly and surely became my light when i was going through the motions in a wind tunnel.
I didn’t have the $200 ottoman I wanted from West Elm,
I didn’t get the chance to buy a Christmas tree and decorate my apartment the Instagram-worthy way I wanted to, and I didn’t have the ice skating proposal in Central Park.
I didn’t have the vacation to Russia and other places in Eastern Europe I’ve always wanted, so I could trade candy canes for chocolate, exquisite Christmas dinners, and the most beautiful decorations decorating the landscapes and architecture.
But I came to realize that the resentment I was holding inside me was not just slowly plummeting me further into a depression, but unbeknownst to me ... was affecting the people around me as well.
It wasn’t until I was on the phone with a Customer Service Representative on December 7th when I shocked myself. My responses to this poor soul who was just trying to help were short and angry. Out of my own internal spite, I answered “Go ahead!” after I had tried to say or ask something and heard her begin to speak. Usually, I say “Sorry, go ahead, I interrupted you,” even if I didn’t, as a courtesy. I knew I had caught her off guard and scared her because then she said:
“I-I was just going to apologize.”
I knew after that conversation that something needed to change in my attitude and how I spoke to those around me. I began praying to God about all the resentment I was feeling, and how I could go about eliminating the uncomfortable feeling. At the time, I was under a great deal of anxiety as well, and was working 2-3 jobs per week. This meant: more paperwork, more commute time, and less time for my family, myself, and my God.
“God, you have given me a Spirit of life, but why do I feel lacking in energy
and lifeless?”
I received insight from God, who told me that I needed to reevaluate my priorities, and
and find time for Him and myself — by learning how to say NO. Sometimes we get so stuck in pleasing others and being accomplished, we forget that we can not be successful if we bite off more than we can chew. God speaks to me sometimes through Bible verses that pop into my head. I remembered a verse that says that anyone who wants to follow Christ must be willing to deny themselves, pick up their cross, and follow Him. What this meant for me was that I had to stop focusing on what I wanted but didn’t have, focus on the joy that Christ gives me as a gift, and pray in gratitude for all the things I DO have. I was so focused on what I yearned for which pained me, that I could not have access to God’s grace and joy.
On December 23rd, I went to Hillsong NYC and listened to Pastor Todd speak about the difference between happiness and joy. He explained that happiness is a response to our current situation, but joy is a gift from God. And the fact of the matter is that it’s not difficult to receive joy, but it is difficult to maintain it.
Psalm 30:5
5 For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.
Maintaining joy is still something I am working on. We all have things we are working on - that’s what it means to be human. I know that the holidays sometimes remind people of bad memories, or bring about less-than-thrilling family reunions. I want to tell you this holiday, that regardless of the wise comment your uncle makes at the dinner table, regardless of the presents you did or did not receive, and regardless of the expectations that were not met: JESUS IS THE REASON FOR THE SEASON. If you are upset, talk to Him. If you are alone and away from family this year, He is keeping you company. Take comfort in knowing that on this day we celebrate a Savior who gave us life — the best gift
anyone could give. Let us not lose sight of Christ on Christmas.
Love,
Nicole
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