It’s only February 5th and already this month is proving to be an extra challenging and disappointing one
(and NO, I’m not talking about the Superbowl LOL 🏈🏈🏈)
SO TODAY
I took the day off, went on a hike, read some Bible, took a nice long bath...
and focused on me and what’s truly important in my life. I journaled and reflected on my values - on what I have failed to do, what I need to work on, and what my habits are that lead me to situations where I don’t feel God. Not to say I don’t feel Him working in my life and reaching out - talking to me - because I’m always aware of that - but there are times where I take heed, and times I don’t.
I realized that habits are neither good or bad... but they shape us either in a way we want to go, or in a way we do not want to go. A lot of it has to do with where we are investing our time and with who. Are our priorities in order?
When I leave this planet, no money nor cute shoes, nor the opinions of others or ‘what I used to have’ are going to come with me. I’m going to go as I am. I’m learning to see myself through the lens God sees me - not anyone here on Earth. So much of my work, and whether I’m proud of it or not, goes through a “Higher Ups” filter. Well what does the manager think of my work? What about my coworkers?
Except I forgot the filter of one higher up. The most High Up.
Who forgives us relentlessly. Who knows we will make mistakes and do things that have us trip over ourselves and make us feel stupid for even thinking of doing it — but believes we are still worthy of grace, worthy of love, worthy of forgiveness, worthy of a second chance, worthy of second LIFE. To be able to start life anew, to gain new perspective, to have so many new doors open to us through Christ Jesus is an amazing thing.
I’m so far from perfect, and don’t always have perfect things happen to me. I always put more on my plate than I can eat at buffets, I forget that cars are supposed to house people and always keep way too many things in there, I barely can use a coffee machine without spilling, although I’ve gotten somewhat better at it - I’m late more than I’d like to be, I’m the infamous bag lady that over-prepares and brings too many things to any event, my eyeliner is rarely even, I’m stubborn, I turn to comfort food more often than I’d like to admit, I defend myself to no end and blame just about everyone and everything for my problems except the mistakes I have made, I don’t always keep my word, I chase sunsets not missed calls, I’m anxious even at the most simple seeming social situations, it’s hard for me to stand up for myself since I’m so “go with the flow”, I cross ALL the solid lines and get ALL the parking tickets - I’m surprised there’s no Guinness for that, I’ve been manipulated & guilt tripped into doing things I wasn’t comfortable with doing #MeToo, I’m a control freak, I’m eager to please and a ‘yes man’ even when I know I’m in over my head and I can’t deliver.
So forgive others, forgive yourself. You are not perfect and will never be. But you are SO loved. And you are enough and capable of greatness. Once you say “Jesus, I accept you as my Lord and Savior”, your new life begins. All the HOPE I have is in Him... and it’s extraordinary.
So extraordinary, even, that I can’t even imagine it with my human brain. 🧠 Because God’s plan for me is so much bigger than the one I have for myself. Because where I fall short, I see doom and God sees opportunity. Because where I see “too far gone”, God sees “one step away from Home” (Matthew West).
I hope my shortcomings inspire you to see that the Christian lifestyle is a difficult one, it’s a choice, it’s a journey that we strive for keeping our humanity in perspective. We in no way see ourselves as saints or angels, but as flawed beings who have been redeemed by the blood of Jesus. We don’t strive to judge or tell people what to do, but we uphold our values because our Creator is all we have to cling onto.
Sincerely,
Nicole
For more of what I write, my reflections, my lifestyle & travels, and encouragement:
mysweetsurrenderr.blogspot.com
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