stream of consciousness

sometimes when you're too angry and overwhelmed and feel like you've done all you can and your writer's block just won't let you finish that chapter and you don't have the money for that security deposit and you're tired of the world's demands and the fact that you're only one imperfect person and the cards aren't falling your way and that God is silent or seems hard of hearing and you've lost your way but everyone's too busy to listen and make a phone call to see if you're alive and well because the clocks are ticking in a world where shootings are becoming common place and the pizza comes before the cops do and the tears can't stop flowing because you feel so helpless because everything is crashing down around you like a waterfall onto rocks as if the tectonic plates were warming with molten lava under your feet and the lava was about to pour out from under you like coffee from a Keurig and the wind gusts bring the leaves of your past to air and the only certainty you have of anything is the fact that you have a pulse and suddenly you feel the sun's warmth, and you come back to the present moment, you check in with your breath... and you're reminded why you're here.

then you stop for a second to breathe and realize that no matter how fast your legs can carry you, you can't run away from yourself and your past. what you have done, and what you have failed to do. but sometimes you realize that what is in front of you is so much more beautiful, brimming with happiness and potential, then what you're leaving behind. you realize that your past doesn't define you. you realize that you're not defined by who turned their back on you, but by who welcomed you in. by who saw you for you, and for all the wonderful and redeeming qualities you have.

truth is, none of us are perfect. we all make mistakes. these mistakes will let our parents down, let our bosses down, let our friends down, let our boyfriends and girlfriends down. our loved ones will disappoint us, hurt us, turn their backs on us. 

but we are not defined by them...

we are defined by our Savior Jesus Christ.

See yourself how our God sees us! Perfect just as we are, made in His image and likeness, worthy of love and respect at all times. No matter what we have done or said. ❤️

it is because of Christ that we are made anew - no longer bound to our past. we have a new identity in Him who is faithful to us - through thick and thin, no matter the circumstance.

so keep moving forward. keep the faith. center down - you don't need to carry the world on your shoulders 24/7. trust that everything will be okay. we just have to be patient.